Where the Day Takes Me.|
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
John F. Devlin's LiveJournal:
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|Thursday, February 16th, 2006|
Just thought i would say hello. Hi journal. News: Wife, baby, job, house. Well just found out that i misssed the promotion i was going for. Maybe next time. peace. Current Mood: blah
|Friday, October 29th, 2004|
This is warm muggy day here in SF, and a good one at that. Off to work I go and I get the pleasure of working all weekend. It is a great day to be alive.
|Monday, October 11th, 2004|
|I miss you.
It has been a while since... last time I really needed to talk. I promise I will post in you more, even when I am smileing.
A rush of fear
a rush of relief
to loose someone so dear
pull me from this grief
|Wednesday, September 29th, 2004|
Just thought I'd drop in for a quick stroll. It has been a long couple of weeks. Other then this cold I am feeling pretty damn good though. It has been a while since I last visited, I miss it. I chat to much or something.
Well life is good; I think I stumbled across a pay increase!! Not for positive on that one yet, until I have proof...extra $$ in my hand. Well I am going to finish my Welch’s strawberry soda and head to bed. Peace LJ, and friends.
|Wednesday, August 4th, 2004|
Well I had my interview. It was Nasty. I truly hope that this works out. There is always next time... well i suppose. Honestly if a person were to get out of that and feel happy, then they are just not right in the head. OK. Time for a nap. Night, love you guys.
|Friday, July 30th, 2004|
First off, thank you Jenn. I did have a bowl of the good ol' mac and cheese. It calmed me a little and made me relize that there is nothing I cannot handle. I went to my Meeting today and have the feeling of relief and with a little work and detication, everything will be fine. It was very nice seeing that response.
OK, the next date i need to prepare for is the interview with is SFPD. The meeting today helped me a little and now this is it. Once my refferences are all set and come tuesday is here, it is go time. I will be haveing Mac and cheese, and i will know in the back of my mind that everyone is pulling for me.
God bless, and goodnight.
|Thursday, July 29th, 2004|
|is this thing on.
I miss my journal. I will be better soon wth you. Tomorow is a big day, so think of me. ANd I have an interview on the 3rd, please God help me to be the man I would like to be.
|Tuesday, June 8th, 2004|
Just wanted to say hi, and I miss you. Haven't hardly been around much and basiclly been getting shit done. My truck was in the shop for the last couple pf days so i have had to spend time on other people's schedules. But warrenty covered half the bill... but that isnt helping me much... welcome to being dead broke again. Time for work... **tear** Current Mood: calm
|Tuesday, June 1st, 2004|
Today was a long day. I have been working the early shift this week and that is a lot different then my afternoon shift. The day is straight up backwards. I have the type of system that isnt very cool with change right away, My tummy gets a little grumpy in times like this. But in a few days i will be back on schedual and there will nothing bothering me in this way.
There are greater Issues I am dealing with and... well, I am not really ready to talk about it. I am going to sleep this funk off and chat at you later. Current Mood: blank
|Thursday, May 27th, 2004|
|This is getting to be a long week...
Where are my Friday’s? I have been working weekends again for quite some time now and there seems to be only a dimming light a the end of the tunnel. So all I really have to complain about is the fact that I don’t have a day off. I will I am sure, and just the fact that I am looking at other opportunities makes me relieved... a little. But there is hope and there is of course good reason that I am working my ass off... so each day I get a little closer to victory. Student loans suck, well.... come to think about it, all bills and shit just suck. So I am just knocking the bills out and catching up on a bunch of old crap... I was a little naughty a while back. Tehe. Alright team, goodnight. Smile for me. Current Mood: geeky
|My journal, my friend.
Hey, this has been a fun week, kind of maybe. Well work has been busy and there is a lot to do with the end of school and all that goes along with that. I am in a weird funk though just trying to make it though each day and come out the other end. The coolest thing is that I haven’t gone postal yet and I tend to smile and find plenty to smile about. I do feel like there needs to be some huge changes. I am looking into a different job. I ran into a friend and she thought it would be awesome if I'd apply. So I am trying to find a little time to get my resume in order. I am headed that way now. Resume here I come. Current Mood: busy
|Wednesday, May 26th, 2004|
|Happy post #1!!
That is right. I went out tonight and hung out will all cousins and my sister. So tonight was an uplifting experience in letting out a little emotion and really talking about some stuff that my family was interested in hearing from me (Kind of made me think that they care.) I was cool we all took turns asking things of each other and then we were allowed time to tell. It was nice to hear all of tell our stories and really get the entire group caught up on everything. I even told this story. Yeah, like the fact that I got on live journal and release some emotion on my keyboard and from the great abyss of the internet people responded (Made me feel great.) I even couldn't wait to check if I had replies to my posts. **tear** Well not all weird but hey, thanks for reading me.
Now I guess i will just go to bed. I feel good. Goodnight. Current Mood: happy
|Tuesday, May 25th, 2004|
I went to bed late last night; I played Xbox and watched Aqua teen hunger force. That show is awesome. Well no real news for my journal other then the fact that I still have to work today and that isn't very neat. I guess it is something to look forward to... I mean something to depend on. Like hope... in this case, if you were to start a religion based on something, the one thing you can bet on is the fact that I work. I listened to the original snoop dog when I wok up today and it made me feel all youngster for a few minutes and that was cool... speaking of that, I was chatting with a youngster yesterday. She was 14. all I have to say is that 14 year olds talk about dumb shit, and if they are stoners are that age, they type like they are adults but say nothing at all. fuck fuckity fuck fuck. that is all she said a few times I think. Oh well, she looked all ghetto in her side pic... Destined to be a trailer trash gutter slut. Hey, that isn’t as bad as it sounds. Heck I hear that pays better money that in am making right now. Except when you are a gutter slut you have to buy rock cocaine and curl that one lock of hair that doest stay up in your ponytail, while the other hand is grabbing that elbow. Then you have to; at the same time, look up and to the sides and kind of behind you several times per minute, and have that overly fast foot tap with the look to you like you have to pee really bad. All antsy then you have to have your mouth slightly open, and inhale the bottom lips when you breathe in. Remember though, all this is being done while wearing that really long t-shirt, like night gown with a California raisin on the front of it tossing up his sign, “hang loose" or "kicking ass" or "radical" or "Totally Tubular".... totally.
I just realized that I spent several minutes there writing about what a crack whore gutter slut looks like. Well that is most of it. I think I would bore you into a sick in the tummy state if I went on. Deep vaginal blood burp. ewww. Current Mood: creative
|Monday, May 24th, 2004|
|What a weekend..
And nothing cool happened. My social life is crappy with this 0000 - 12000 shift. There is nothing cool to do out at the bank, and i couldnt even play the game i wanted to.... Blah. Someone please leave a cooler comment then this entry. Thanks.
|Friday, May 21st, 2004|
|Section 8, Row Catch 22, Seat 420
I just decided that I hate my life. I work all week from 2pm to 10pm every weekday and that might just be the crapiest shift that there ever was. To make that even cooler I have a second job that i work for part time to makes ends meet. Well I used to work that job 12 noon to 12 midnight ever couple weekends. Well that worked for a while and I did hate the person I was working with. Then I got my Roommate a job out there with m and my hope was to work with him and carpool out there and save a few bucks while time flew by with running the place. That didn’t really happen, he worked the opposite shift I did most of the time or just different days. Then this other guy came back from a different time and needed his old job back, and my dick head boss basically gave all my hours to him. That is just fucking stupid. Then the owner fired like damn near everyone that works out there because he is retarded and these people should have never work there in the first place. Then finally my dream came true, I got to work with Matt. We got to carpool, we got to run the place, we basically made the best out of the crappiest job in the city!! Then... the ass holes moved matt to weekdays only and now I have a borderline helmet wearing reject that is harder to get out of the main office to get work done then trying to get Richard Simmons to look at a playboy. This is fucking lame, Now I can't work or play with Matt. And I just have been not in the mood to go out and get all drunkish anyway. Oh yeah, he turned 21 last week and I had to work on his birthday.
Insult to injury. Current Mood: bitchy
|01 CHB W/O ONION
Onions are bad for me. At least i say they are. It all steams from seeing what they do to dogs...
So this week is pretty lame-o but what do you expect from crappy weather and grumpy friends. Well work is alright during the day, considering that we are up in sales from last year and we have less help this year... Oh well that is what I am here for, thriving on neglect and abuse. I seem to be loving it up till now anyway, why stop. So last entry I made had a lot to do with relationship stuff and how I other people affect us.... I think.
Either way, I like having a relationship or I wouldn’t know how to act if I wasn't in one. The comfort levels would be off the chart and that would suck for a while. My chick is an awesome girl and she means well but sometimes she is more of a mother then anything. But I will blame tat on the fact that she cares and that is the best way she can show it. I care, and the best way that I know how to show it is with touch... wow that sounds weird when i write it down. Sounds like a bad excuse for the horny kid that is in all of us. I have learned over the last 10 years that physical relations are one awesome way to show your feelings but at the same time really mess with a relationship. The weight sex adds to a relationship is immeasurable in some cases. But the desensitizing of sex in today’s worlds makes a difference in some cases; I mean where would we be without jerry Springer.
I was at work today and I saw a girl from my high school that I honestly had a crush on. That goofy ass feeling is still there; I said hi, how are you? And normal shit. The goofiness is easily discarded and shrugged off but the stupid thing is that when I noticed that her last name wasn’t the same I had that nasty feeling in the back of my throat at first. You know that scene in 'dumb and dumber' where Lloyd finds Harry dropping Mary off at her house "gag, choke, gag". But it was easily laughed off after a few minutes. It is just amazing that feelings and others have such an effect on us.
Time for bed, have to work in a few hours. Current Mood: mellow
|Wednesday, May 19th, 2004|
I applied for a job and had to take a test. Well i took the test and i got the results back today, I passed. Sweet Ass!! Now there are like.... well a lot more steps. Current Mood: amused
What a week... Month... year.... Yeah. So there are a lot of little stressful things out there that are just out there being a stitch in my side... and I am starting to think, well that is life.
So recently I have been told I am a commitment freak. I tent to disagree. But the more that I think about it I am not sure if I am disagreeing for the fact that if I am a commitment freak I should be embarrassed about it, or I am disagreeing because it is not true.
There is a lot in my life write now, as there always is, and I am nit sure what should come first for me. I have a wonderful relationship that sometimes seems like I am pushing away. I reflect on my actions alone and sometimes with her, but i think that just makes me more distant. There is thing in my head that just needs me... and there is the part that drives it that reminds me that I need to figure out my place in life and have a stable life before I "Commit" to anything.
There are so many people in my world that are willing to listen to me and always are there for me. (It would be cool if they all agreed on one thing... then life would be easy... err well that would work.) I love my friends and I wouldn’t give them up for the world. That is the one thing I always have... someone else to talk at. (Live Journal!!!)
Now I want to talk this outta my head. So I have dated and had relationships in the past that have not worked out. Live and learn? I don’t really talk to these people anymore. That makes me a little sad even when i typed that just there.... But I don’t think that this feeling is felt by anyone else. And the basis of love on my life steams from these people... and when the shit hits the fan in the end i wish these people were around enough to make sure they are doing ok. I said aloud to a new friend "I have always been put in the situation 'all or nothing.'"
Well that is almost true. But true enough to really be weirding me out.
I am getting old:
I am now starting to think that I need a family and I should get my ass moving... But then it loops back to the other part where I freak out about not being stable. I just need to feel like I can support something before I try to.
The root of all evil and adolescent behavior. This just makes my skin crawl to think about. Bots are bots, that is ok.... well not really but it is like the Helmet mafia that comes into work... they are there and funny to laugh at... but easy to ignore. I am talking about the people that are on there just to fulfill here id the basic shit. I am not going to feed these people food... or give them a place to reside; no they get right into it and ask if they can suck my dick. That is lame, like o sure. Be right there.... Meet me in the Zoo parking lot in 12 minutes. WTF are these people doing... I have a sick ass mind and there is plenty I have been known to do to mess with people... but I don’t think there are that many freaks like me in the South Dakota chat rooms... Something I would expect from Iowa's rooms. I mean really. I am supposed to believe that there are people that are out there that all they want is the feeling of straight pleasure. I have seen shit on TV before about fucked up people in weird ass situations... but that many people aren’t raised by wolves and then molested with a hokey stick my uncle Joe. OK. I will stop. It seems cool from a 10,000 foot view to use these "tools" and have all sorts of erotic fun... But I think I would like to know these people first. I think… I meet an ex on there too. Barf.
Thanks for listening. Jd.
|Saturday, November 22nd, 2003|
|So there i was.
I am at work and I miss my Blog. It makes me feel good about my thoughts and that is good to purge what is in side me sometimes. The other night I was lying in bed thinking of all the stuff in my life that I miss due to change and just plan old growing up. The thought that came to my head were thoughts of ignorant bliss and getting trough things the first time. I am starting to realize that these things are all right at my finger tips again if I were to just except it. Knowing this I am just not ready to grab things by the horns and run. If I were that type of person I wouldn’t be dicking around with all this stuff, I would have had the balls a long time ago to just pack my shit and go do what I needed to do. I think my "curse" is that I have a certain comfort level that I like to work in and the time where that is threatened without my permission I simply back off. This all brings me to the girl situation in my life. To be honest that is the main thing I miss from my past. I was in love with a wonderful person and when it came to an end I have just down right can settle for what is right in front of me. I feel that when the time has come for the feelings to arise it will just happen and that is that. Then I was thinking that am I in a position to even let that happen? Well that tossed a monkey wrench into the picture, now I am thinking that I have already this.... and I don’t even know it (or admit it). Once bitten, twice shy is something that we can all relate with when it comes to our emotional health. But if I am in the position, is there anything I can do about it. No. I know that this entire sting of thoughts is really nice to be put down on this blog, but it only really proves one thing to me. That I don’t know. I know that I am a happy man but there are things in my life that I have to be comfortable with before I just let go. This is what plagues me day by day. We will start with the basics, I think there for I am. Descartes. Current Mood: awake